The Right To Mutilate Thy Flesh

Has anyone else heard about this?

In Clayton, NC, a 14 year old girl was suspended from school for having a nose piercing. Now, I do not disagree with this; the school has a rigid dress-code that they are adhering to, and this girl’s nose piercing violates that dress code. Had I tried to pull some shit like that when I was in school, I’m sure that I would have been suspended as well, until I agreed to remove the offending object. However, this girl and her mother are fighting the school board’s decision by saying…
Are you ready for this?

The school board’s decision violates the girl’s first amendment rights.

Oh, and it gets worse.

Apparently, the nose piercing is a religious symbol. That religion?

Nope, not Hindu. The girl belongs to the Church Of Body Modification.

If this is not the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of, then I don’t know what is. This “Church” has its own website (so it must be a real thing!!!) on which it declares its Statement of Faith, which includes “We believe our bodies belong only to ourselves and are a whole and integrated entity: mind, body, and soul. We maintain we have the right to alter them for spiritual and other reasons.”

OK, so the backbone of your religion is your desire to deform yourself through piercing, tattoos, and needless implants?

Where is the actual foundation of this religion? According to Wikipedia, religion is “the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or a set of beliefs concerning the origin and purpose of the universe.” How does a nose piercing concern the origins of the universe? Does it represent the Earth, while the left nostril is the sun, and the placement of the piercing represents the rotation of the universe in the cosmic soup that is a 14 year old girl’s face?

These people are freaks. They should be treated as freaks and looked down upon with shame and derision. To assemble themselves under a common goal of altering their physical bodies and proclaiming that desire as a “religion”… there is something seriously wrong with these people (if they can still be called that).

With that said, I have decided to help them out. Since a religion needs a deity to worship, I have collected a small sample from which to choose; people who represent the ideals behind body modification.

Henry Rollins

With an immense amount of tattoos, Rollins is unafraid to change his body’s appearance and add some sort of adornment to his skin. However, with the Church of Body Modification’s flair for anything painful, even Rollins, despite his badass-ness throughout his career, may be considered too tame.

Christina Aguilera

This bubble-gum pop star has 11 body piercings and a few tattoos… and we all know that those aren’t her only “body modifications.”

Jocelyn Wildenstein

The epitome of body modification, Jocelyn has undergone numerous plastic surgeries to make herself resemble a cat. Many religions (most of them recognized as real religions) worship some sort of animal totem, such as the Hindi god Ganesh, or the Roman god Faunus. Clearly, Wildenstein exemplifies the CoBM’s ideals in the sense that she is no longer human, and she has the power to scare small children. The best of both worlds!
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