5 Useless Inventions

Have you ever stayed up late at night watching infomercials on cable? Have you ever seen some of the useless shit out there? I have, and it irritates the hell out of me. Here are the 5 most annoying products being sold on TV.

5: Shoe Stands
While maybe having some validity to help organize the bottom of your closet, Shoe Stands just look ridiculous. While I concede their practicality, I feel that Shoe Stands are more of a nuisance than a help. Imagine having to take something out of your shoe each time you want to wear them. Then, at the end of the day, you have to place the thing back into the shoe. Where do you store that thing until the time you need it again? It’s just too much work just to wear a pair of shoes. Go with the Shoes-Under or one of those things that hang on the back of the closet door with pockets big enough to put the shoes in. This makes more sense to me.

4: Pasta Pronta
The act of boiling water too difficult to master? Like using just one cylindrical tube to make your dinner? Then the Pasta Pronta is for you. Put the pasta in the tube, add boiling water, and dinner is done. Seriously? It’s too difficult to boil the pasta in the water? See, I have to boil the water to add to the tube. So, if I’m boiling the water, I can make the pasta in the water. What do I need the Pasta Pronta for? It seems like a middle man to me. But what if I need to make sauce? I can’t add boiling water to my sauce in the Pasta Pronta; that would water down the sauce and ruin the flavor. So do I need to buy the Sauce Pronta too? How much will this cost me? I mean, besides my self-esteem and rationality. But, if I can’t cook pasta then I must not have these things to begin with.

3: The No-Touch Hand Soap System from Lysol
According to Lysol, makers of quality germ killing products, there are hundreds of bacteria living on my soap dispenser. Their solution to this problem is that I purchase a motion-activated soap dispenser that ensures I don’t have to touch anything and transfer those nasty bacteria to my hands. Is this supposed to make sense? Because it doesn’t. By touching the soap dispenser, I have pretty much committed to the act of washing my hands. Were I to transfer and bacteria to my hands through physical contact with said dispenser, those bacteria would then be killed by that act of washing. So why do I need a touchless soap dispenser? Easy answer; I don’t. This is clearly Lysol’s bid to cash in on the anti-bacteria hype/psychosis spreading throughout the country.

2: The Grill DaddyYet another invention playing on the fears of the American public. The Grill Daddy claims, by filling it with water and spraying it on the grill, that it will sanitize the grill as it cleans away the grime. Now, correct me if I’m wrong (which I am not so there is no need to correct me) but doesn’t water turn to steam at 212 degrees? Meanwhile, a grill can heat to 600 degrees and above. So it is not the steam that sanitizes the grill but the grill that sanitizes the grill. So why does the Grill Daddy insist on misleading me? Yes, it ma clean my grill wonderfully, but don’t lie and say that the steam will sanitize my grill. That’s just wrong.

1: The Snuggie
Yes, I’ll admit there are plenty of good features about the Snuggie. Having your hands free to do things is useful, as opposed to them being trapped under a blanket. So why is it on my list? Because it’s designed to be a backwards bathrobe, a nifty piece of clothing that has been around for years. So what’s the deal with this Snuggie craze? One idiot decides to wear his bathrobe backwards then sells his idiot friends similar bathrobes, instructing them on the intricacies of wearing them backwards? I mean, I guy John Q. Snuggie, or whatever the guy’s name is, all the credit in the world, seeing as how he probably made a mint by reversing an already existing patent. I just wish that people would be able to recognize the Snuggie for what it is.


Butler Toilet
I don’t even want to know why someone thought of this. Also comes in Flamingo.

1 comment:

  1. Just saw the Lysol commercial and had to see if anyone else immediately saw the stupidity of the "hands free pump". What drives me nuts about this product is that people buy into this trash. It seems people are so brainwashed they cant see past the marketing and see that they are being sold a used bridge. Watching commercials is almost an insult these days. Its as if I (the consumer), have been viewed by marketing companies as a brainless idiot without any form of intelligent thought. I really think we are in trouble! Mindless consumerism is going to be the end of our independence!


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