MTV must hate movies...

I haven't watched MTV for years. Even when I did watch MTV, there were only a few things that entertained me in the slightest. In fact, it has gotten to a point where I almost forget that MTV is even still in existence. That notion, however, was shattered last night after I was forced to watch the 2009 MTV movie Awards with my girlfriend.

Lauren is not a habitual watcher of MTV either, mind you. But she is in love with Twilight for some ungodly reason. So, when she heard that there would be a 14 second preview of New Moon, she cleared her calendar so that she could watch the show.

It was the worst hour of my life.

It all started badly with the opening montage. Andy Samberg, travelling through popular movies of 2008. I understand that it was meant to be humorous, but it just wasn't. "Look at Andy. He went into a puddle of poop in his spoof of Slumdog Millionaire!" This is comedy? Besides the fact that the awards show was to honor movies from 2008, one of the films they spoofed in the opening montage was from 2009. Way to go, Samberg.

But a comedy show being unfunny is something I can overlook. The real insult, however, was the list of 'winners' of the awards. Ashley Tisdale as Best Breakthrough Performance Female? Zac Efron winning Best Male Performance? What the fuck, people?

Zac Efron went up against Christain Bale and Robert Downey Jr, and wins? No, no, no. Something is wrong. A doofy teenage child star actor gets an award over two of the best actors in movies. Something is very wrong here. That's like Haley Joel Osment winning over Robert Deniro. (That may not be the best example; Haley Joel can actually act.)

Even their own made up category, Best WTF moment, was an abomination. Amy Poehler won for pissing in a sink in Baby Mama. I'm sorry, but the only thing WTF about Baby Mama is how that movies was even made. Ben Still licked an exploded head in Tropic Thunder, but a woman squatting over a sink and making yellow wins? Jason Segel showed his goddamn dick to the world but a pissing woman wins the prize?

But the biggest slap in the face to anyone who enjoys movies is the amount of awards Twilight won. I think it took home every trophy in whatever category it was in, with the exception of Best Song (the only thing it deserved to win). Despite the popularity of the Twilight books, the movie was not good. At all. The characters were flat and undeveloped. The action was disturbingly bad. The love story was completely uninteresting. The acting was horrendous. But Twilight wins Best Picture, beating out The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Slumdog Millionaire. The asininity of this concept astounds me and leaves me speechless.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Then I realized something; MTV is only around to cater to the whims of thirteen year old girls. Without them, MTV would have died long ago. Think I'm wrong? Look at their programming. The Hills. Laguna Beach. The fact that Carson Daly has a career.

So, High School Musical 3 and Twilight had to win as many awards as possible, in order to make their target audience happy. MTV isn't afraid of losing my viewership; they don't have it. But, if they had given those awards to the actor or film that deserved it, then all those pre-pubescent females would have turned off their TVs to MTV forever. That is something that the executives cannot allow. There is no one with half a brain that can say Zac Effron did a better acting job in High School Musical than Christian Bale did in the Dark Knight. It is unfathomable. However, MTV did what they had to in order to appease their fans.

Which, in my opinion, is bullshit.

The Academy will award movies that they feel deserve them. Do I bitch about it? Yes. Can I change it? No. This is how it works. I might feel that one movie deserves to win the award, but the members of the academy feel differently. Which is respectable, unlike the travesty that MTV created last night.

Follow your opinion, MTV. Don't compromise your beliefs for the sake of your audience. Maybe it's finally time to grow up. I find it odd how, when I was younger, MTV was a much more mature entity. But as I grew up, it seemed to regress, and is now in the pre-adolescence stage. By the time I am in my mid-thirties, MTV just may reach it's infancy. It's like the Benjamin Button of cable TV.

Oh, and Andy Samberg... just stop. You had a hit with Lazy Sunday, and Dick In a Box was humorous, but that's about it. Knock it off with the 'funny' songs, because they aren't funny.